Are You Stressed Out?

Are you STRESSED OUT ?

I'm very excited to tell you about my new teleclass to help you recognize the signs of stress, and how to relieve it fast. I'll be telling you about the newest research that will both surprise and empower you to get control and improve your life.


♥ Is the pressure of the economy making your wonder how “safe” your future might be? Does watching or hearing the news make you feel scared or hopeless about the future?
♥ Are you continuously “needing to” do the “should’s, “have to’s, and other responsibilities
♥ Do you have a diagnosis of a health condition that is necessitating you make changes in your lifestyle.
♥ Are you dealing with relationship woes at home or work that is like being on a runaway rollercoaster ride.

You may already have an unrealized physical reaction induced by the stressors in your life!
According to the American Institute of Stress, 75-90% of all visits to doctors are the result from stress related disorders!

This weekly class will give you new insights into what stress is doing to your health (and maybe your waistline as well!). Each call will include a Q & A session.

As a BONUS, you get to email Lianda for any question you didn’t get answered on the call. And as a SECOND BONUS: you will receive one “laser coaching” one on one call during the program to address your most pressing issue.

Your investment toward stress-free living is only

$149 Beginning Wed. evening, May 19th - 6:30 pm

Early bird special (pay by May 14th for discounted rate $97)

“Lianda gives me hope and a sense of calm. I immediately felt more relaxed. In fact, this technique helped me speak with the executive director in a calm manner while discussing strong content. I feel uplifted and ready for the next challenge” Roseann S.L. Alaska
“I am amazed at how Lianda's coaching gets right to the core of my issue and calms me. When I’m stressed, I need help seeing what's really bothering me, and Lianda's insight makes things clearer. Now I feel more able to get to the “Heart of the matter”! Karen S. Tucson, AZ

Aren’t you worth it?

Don't worry if you're not available each week. A recording will be available for you, and remember, you can email me your question if you don't want to ask during the call.
Any questions, just write, and I'll be happy to answer.

Anger Is Not Your Boss

Why do we get angry? It's actually a pretty simple answer. There is basically one reason: there's something that we want and we're not getting it. Conversely, there's something we don't want and we're getting it! It doesn't matter where the thing we want is right, or wrong; good or bad.... It just "is".

Many times we'll blame others and think or say: "You got me angry!" But, that's not true. Remember, there was something that you wanted, and that person didn't give it to you.

When you speak to someone in anger 3 things are true:
1. There's something that you want that you're not getting.
2. You're telling yourself: S(h)e SHOULD be giving that to me!
3. You're about to speak or act in a way that will virtually assure you WON'T get what you want.
So the correct and honest statement to describe your anger is: Someone did something, and I got angry, because I expected ___________, or I wanted _____________ and didn't get it.

It takes a lot of maturity, confidence and personal responsibility to be able to make a statement like that to yourself and especially to another person! AND if you say it out loud to someone, it increases the possibility that you WILL get what you want. But, it's still not a guarantee.

Another positive effect is that when you take responsibility for your feelings and don't blame someone else for creating your negative thoughts, you improve the understanding in your intercommunication, and improve your relationship with others who will now understand you better! They too, may start communicating more effectively, in a way I describe as "from the heart".
IS ANGER A CHOICE?
What can we do when we realize that we're angry?

The first step to deal with ANY problem is awareness that there is a problem. Being angry at someone, and especially holding a grudge is damaging. It hurts YOU!

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned." Buddha

It would be a lot wiser to think about what you are "wanting" and why. Does the person know your desire? So often, we expect people to read our minds. We think "they should know what we want! If I have to tell them, then I don't want it!"

We make an assumption others see the world the same way we do, and want the same things that we do. Then the next jump in logic is to assume that they know what we want, but they are withholding it from us for some reason!

Do you see how confusing this gets? Do you always agree with others, and have a similar view of the world? Is it rational to expect that someone who doesn't reside inside your head should be able to know that you prefer red roses to yellow carnations? Or do you leap to a new blame: "Oh, they never paid attention to what you said about red roses being your favorite flower...."

We make unhappiness for Ourselves when we have expectations about other people's behavior. We make unhappiness for OURSELVES when we project our needs onto other people, especially when we are not always clear about what we want in our own minds and hearts!
What can you do to reduce the frequency and intensity of anger?

I like the metaphor of a traffic light.
Red, is on the top, the most prominent spot because it's the most important signal. It means STOP! If there were no red, we'd always be going.
Yellow, which most people use as an excuse to speed up, actually means SLOW DOWN, use caution!
THEN Green, means go.

So, if you are angry and seeing RED, think about that traffic light, and STOP! Then slow down and use caution. Think about what it is you are wanting, and whether you made your desire clear. Is there a possibility that you are not communicating effectively? Just because you want something, does it mean you're entitled to it? In other cases of anger, it's often good to recognize the feeling, and then STOP, and take a few slow deep breaths while trying to get to a more neutral feeling.

When I get angry at someone (yes, it happens to all of us less than perfect humans), I first try to think about what I want that is different from what they are doing. For example, I get annoyed when people don't use their turn signals. If I have to wait unnecessarily to make my turn, because if their signal isn't used, it appears that they are going straight ahead. So, I wait, and then they turn, and I never had to sit waiting wasting time and gas!

What I want is for someone to have consideration of my time and fuel. That ultimately is being fair and treating me like I would treat them. However, then I practice thinking to myself: Have I ever NOT used my signal? Perhaps they thought their signal was on; maybe their signal is broken, maybe they are on their way to a funeral and they're not thinking about driving. And then again, maybe they don't care about using signals, and have never bothered to do so, and don't care about waiting to turn. (here's a case where the "Golden Rule" doesn't work - more on that in another article!)

The thing is, is it worth it to get yourself annoyed, angered, bothered or having a bad time because you've given your personal power over to someone else to manipulate with their behavior?

Then there is the school of thought about beating an empty chair with a rolled up magazine to release your anger. That has got to be one of the worst things you can do to yourself! Most people don't realize that even "acting" angry actually has an effect on your body. It sets off the classic "fight or flight" response, which is the reason so many people are suffering from habitual stress in their lives daily! One angry incident can change your biochemistry for hours! So hitting a chair because of your unresolved anger is NOT releasing the problem, it's PRACTICING BEING angry and hurting you at the same time!

The Dalai Lama told a story about how he observed a "therapeutic" anger management group instructed to hit and yell at pillows that were supposed to be the embodiment of the person who had caused them hurt. Buddhist philosophy teaches compassion and tolerance, not beating up something to let out anger! After the anger exercise when the people announced that they felt relieved of their anger, it came as no surprise to the Dalai Lama when one of the participants in the group had an angry outburst in the parking lot. Someone had "cut him off" and he was back to expressing angry feelings even he before he had left the area! Resolved anger? Anger management: NOT!

I'm not saying that changing a lifetime's worth of practiced and habitual ways of responding to anything is easy! Believe me, I am far from perfect and consider my life a "practice" session for the many of the ways I am wanting to be a better human being. But be honest with yourself. If you say, " I lost control", then WHO is incharge??

Yes, it's easier in the short run to explode. But it makes you feel bad; it makes the other person feel bad... and angry words, once expressed can be forgiven, but never forgotten!
So do yourself, and those around you a favor. Stop, use caution and then proceed with words. Be a force for compassion and tolerance for those around you, and YOURSELF! Spread the peace, be happy. It feels much better, and it's better for your health!

from the heart,
Lianda
remember, you can always contact me for a private laser coaching session.

Stressed Out? Pay Attention!

STRESS:  anxiety, worry, tension, agitation, anger...

and other similar feelings can make you feel like you’re “driving with your foot on the gas pedal and the brake” at the same time.

Just think about this:  Stress is telling you something: your HEART and MIND are have a disagreement about some situation in your life. Your head may be saying: go fast, while your heart says go slow…. The result is unresolved STRESS!

STRESS CAN BE A GIFT

The reaction of stress maybe telling you to pay attention to your conflicted feelings, because if you ignore them, your body is going to make you a lot more unhappy with symptoms that are painful or can become illnesses.  Or you may find yourself having difficulty sleeping, concentrating or making poor decisions, feeling moody…. Yes, stress may not only effect your emotions, but it can make you “sick with worry”!

You may think “I’m sick, it’s not stress!”

After all, the doctor or health practitioner just gave you medication to deal with your breathing problem, your headache or some other symptom.

It’s not like you chose to make yourself sick deliberately.  Your illness may very likely be caused by a continual stress in your life that has become a literal pain in your ______ (you can fill in the blank with the place where your problem resides) …..

OR...

your doctor or health practitioner may even have given you a pill to help you relax along with the other medications for your symptoms.  Doctors oftentimes don’t tell you that your stress has gotten you sick, or is possibly making your illness worse.  They may tell you that if you relax, you’ll feel better. They don’t want to add to your anxiety, or make you think that they think you’re a hypochondriac.  You’re NOT. You feel bad!  Stress is your body’s gift:  It is telling you an important message:

Pay Attention!

Your anxiety, worry, tension, fear, agitation, depression, pain in the neck, headache, panic attacks, chest tightness and many other possible symptoms are telling you:

There’s a disconnect between the way you are living your life, 

and they way you WANT to be living your life!

Until you start paying attention to your body’s warnings, you may spend a lot more money going to other doctors to try to figure out why you’re getting more and more symptoms!

If you want to "get rid of your stress reaction" you must be able to find the cause of the stress.  When you are finally ready to find that "truth", face it and deal with it, so you can live in Integrity, the way you WANT to be in your heart, contact me.  I will help you listen for, and find your heart's message, and get you on the smooth road to living a stress relieved life.

The Cure For Stress

I recently had a wake-up call.  My body was SCREAMING at me:  "You are stressed!  Something is not right!  Pay Attention"!!

But how could that be?  I couldn't read the writing on the wall.  So, my emotions got progressively more strained, and my body started bringing on physical symptoms to show me that my conflicted feelings were not getting resolved.

You see, I had just been offered the chance of a lifetime.  It was the strong possibility of getting in a position where that I had eluded me at an earlier time in my life. I could be involved in a level of making policy and helping my community in the chance of a lifetime!  Of COURSE I should be thrilled, but I had this "gut feeling" every time I thought about the possibility actually coming true.  It wasn't a good feeling.

I tried to think it through, to consider if fear of failure was making me uncomfortable.  I worked hard with all my powerful stress reduction techniques that normally worked so well.  But then I finally realized something.  I was pushing myself to do something that I didn't want to do.  At this point in my life, I have different goals and aspirations.  To take this other position would prevent me from moving forward in the direction that I REALLY wanted to pursue.  As soon as I listened to my heart (which indeed, is my favorite stress relief technique) I heard the reason for my stress and realized the way the relieve my stress.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; 

what is essential is invisible to the eye. 

Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

Stress can perform a very important function. It is there to tell us something is wrong.  It was telling me that I wasn't following my heart.  Sure, I could take that offered position, but I would have been following the wrong path for what my needs are now.

Many people do take the wrong road, and end up relying on anxiety meds, drinking, drugs, or even do positive stress reduction techniques.  But the most important lesson I have learned is:  the best way to relieve stress is to make a decision that fits with your heart.  You know it in your heart when you're going in the right direction, and your body won't be giving you painful reminders until you listen!

from the heart,
Lianda

Is Your Body Telling You Something?

I just got off the phone with a friend who shared her journey of trying to deal with a bunch of non-life threatening, but miserable debilitating symptoms.  She has tried going to doctors, massage therapists, alternative care practitioners, nutritionists and psychotherapists.  She reported that she's feeling a little better, but admits that she's on the hunt for yet another type of doctor.

Do you know people like that?  Actually, I was one of them.  I would go from practitioner to another in search of a solution that I agreed with!  No, I didn't want to start medication, no I don't want surgery, no I don't want.....  During this time the aggravation and frustration added to the discomfort of my health problem.

Much of what my diagnosis was about what caused by stress,  AND, it was causing me more STRESS!

The bottom line is; according to the American Institute of Stress 75-90% of all visits to doctors result from stress related disorders!  No, you didn't choose for stress to get you sick, but your body is telling you loud and clear: DEAL WITH THE STRESS!

Now I'm beginning to understand that there are people who say that want the stress to be managed, but for some reasons they actually don't want to do the work to manage the stress.

Maybe they want a quick fix:  like taking a pill to make it go away.  The use of anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, are the fastest selling pharmaceutical medications.  

Maybe they want to ignore it and think it will go away: like vegging out in front of a TV set; or drinking or taking "recreational" drugs until they are in a stupor where they don't have to look at their lives; or eating until they have filled the emptiness in their soul.

Maybe they are actually enjoying the added attention that they are getting from people who are "cutting them a break", giving them sympathy for their terrible situation.  They are worried that if they are no longer a victim they will lose that love.

Maybe they are being "ENABLED" by family or friends, who are actually doing a disservice by not allowing the person to learn from the natural consequences dished out by the universe for people who are not living their lives purposefully.

Maybe they feel like they have to, or must, or should be taking care of the world outside themselves first, and this is what they will naturally suffer because they are such a good person to others. They see themselves as martyrs. This is victim mentality. 

This is tough love I'm telling you.  The worst lies are the ones you tell yourself.  Get over the guilt about what you've been doing up to now.  Have a HONEST heart to heart talk with yourself.  Speak as honestly as if you were talking to God (if you are a believer).  You can even look at yourself in the mirror while you're doing this. If you are not telling the COMPLETE TRUTH to yourself, you will feel it somewhere in your body; your gut, your heart, your shoulders; somewhere the tension will express itself.  You may even see it expressed in your face if you are looking in the mirror.

Throw away the blame at others, the world's situation.  This is about YOU and the choices that you've made based upon what life has dished out for you. There is NO "FAIR".  There is only your attitude.  Only once you are willing to accept this, will you be able to move forward.

The bottom line is: either you want to change, or you don't.  If you truly want to change more than you want what is, YOU WILL SUCCEED.

So, unless YOU are willing to take the first step of emotional management of your perception of and reaction to stress, your doctor is essentially fighting to free you from YOU. So get ready to spend a lot more money on new practitioners, and approaches to deal with your condition.

If you want help with dealing with that stress, and you are willing to do the work that will free you, I'm here to help you with tools that will help you listen to what is in your heart, and to move on with your life, right here, right now.

Wrinkles, Aging & Stress

It is probably next to impossible to determine how much money is being spent in western countries on anti-wrinkle potions, botox, plastic surgery and other methods to disguise our true face.  Other options to reduce the signs of life on our faces are yoga and other exercises for facial muscles.  There are facial exercise devices, electrical stimulation, acupuncture.  Smokers are told that their habit will cause lines around the mouth (is it from the smoke, or the repeated action of sucking on a cigarette?).  We're told to stay out of the sun, get more sleep, drink more water....

The one thing in common that is missing is the answer to wrinkles that we "know in our hearts".  Wrinkles are caused by holding our muscles in a particular expression over time.  Yes, that "old wives tale" is true!  Worry causes tightening of muscles groups in your face that will create lines over time.  Smiling will also create wrinkles - but which ones would you rather have?

So, instead of suggesting that buy a particularly good wrinkle  potion, I'm going to suggest an alternative form of wrinkle prevention.  STOP WORRYING!

"Worrying is like pre-paying a toll for a bridge you may never cross!"

When you pay attention in the moment to your emotions and how you are feeling, close your eyes and focus on where you hold tension in your body.  Most people feel tension in their shoulders.  But this may be the most interesting thing of all:  there is also an expression on your face that shows inner tension, or fear (or any emotion for that matter!).  To me, this is the most interesting thing of all. Research shows that there is a feedback loop: if you hold that expression on your face, the rest of your body responds to that expression and you start feeling the emotion. That means if you smile, you'll FEEL HAPPIER!!!

What does this mean and how can this help us? If you've been responding to events in your life with worry, or tension, look at your face.  Have you habitually been holding this expression on your face?  Do you already have wrinkles that are etched into your face?  Pay attention to the tight feelings in your face.  Then reduce them by focusing on joy, happiness and good memories.  You will feel an immediate change from the tight band across your forehead, the tightening of your eyes to a loosened relaxation in your face.

Yes, by focusing on joy, you change your facial expression, and that has an effect on not only your wrinkles, but on your autonomic nervous system, and your health!  

To learn more about bring emotional well-being, and getting a great side effect of stopping the creation of worry wrinkles, get in touch with me for Heartfelt Stress Relief!

from the heart,

Lianda

Why that Heart & Compass?

You know it in your heart.  When you're upset, worried, anxious, depressed, not sleeping, it's because you're heartsick!

From the beginning of recorded human history, people have referred to the "Heart" as more than just a pump for blood in our bodies.  Did you know that the 1st sign of life in a fetus is a beating heart: and that's BEFORE there's even a brainstem!  We speak of of heart metaphorically in language:  I love you with all my heart, I'm heartbroken, I'm speaking to you from my heart....
Why don't we say: I love you with all my liver, I'm brain-broken, I'm speaking to you from my kidneys?

The fact is, our heart IS our center, and it's been shown to physiologically be the control tower of our bodies.  No, it's not your brain - because you can be brain dead (I'm not being funny here) and your heart goes on beating!  Now that I'm thinking about it, I do know some brain dead people....  but they're politicians!  (ok - now I'm kidding)

So why am I telling you this? Because when you are feeling stress, your heartbeat is disorganized, the rest of the body follows along.  It's like you have your foot on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time.  It's a jerky, and unsafe ride.  That's what happens to our body when we're under stress!
There's a lot of scientific jargon behind how and why this is happening, but I'm assuming that you don't want to read about it now.  The bottom line is: what can you do about it?  How can you make a smooth ride, and have your body's systems following a calm pattern?

That's where I come in with Heartfelt Stress Relief.  I can help you to achieve that state of calm by changing your heart rate variability just by using your heart as a compass, and focusing on appreciation.  Yah, yah you might be saying: "how can you prove to me that  it works?"  You will feel it!  And if you're one of the kind of people like me who need to see proof, I have a biofeedback type of device  that shows you in "real time" - as you're doing this technique that your heart changes, and you WILL feel the difference!

And that translates into less stress, better & deeper sleep, better communication = better relationships, lowered blood pressure, control of uncontrolled eating, eased pain..... and so much more! This has been PROVEN to work - and fast!

If you'd like a demonstration, just write and I'll show you how this can change your life right now.  Why wait? Why become reliant on medication when you have the power to do this for yourself?  Why suffer when you can use your heart as the road map to better health and well-being?  Don't wait, let's have a "heart to heart" talk -

from the heart,
Lianda