Take Care Of Yourself First For Improved Self Esteem and Health

Self care is the best way to be a caregiver to others. Understanding and expressing your own needs by using assertiveness skills will improve your self-esteem and your health by reducing stress!

You have heard this phrase every time you fly. Perhaps you paid attention the first time you heard the cabin attendant tell you how you need to take care of yourself before you can help others. No truer words have been spoken.

"In an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on, and then help others"

It's like that with life as well. Too often we get distracted with taking care of others needs and forgetting about our own needs. We tell ourselves that we "shouldn't" be selfish, that a particular person needs us. We're strong, and we can take care of our needs later. But the fact of the matter is, other things come up, and we're still taking care of others and not ourselves.

Of course there are people who we may be helping out who truly need our help. But I am speaking about spouses, relatives, friends and even children who don’t want to do a job, and expect you to do it for them. There are many people who are happy to have you take care of them by doing things they can and should do for themselves. They expect to be taken care of, and are not thinking about you. In fact, we have been "trained" by them. They like us when we do what they need, and they whine when we don't. We don't want to hear their sad stories, complaints, so we continue to do what they want. Can you see this vicious cycle we've established. YES, WE have created a monster.

This can be our spouse, child, our parent, relative or our co-worker or anyone who you "can't" say "NO" to. You will hear me write this again and again: "Can't" really means: you don't want to. You can do whatever you want to do. It's just a matter of making a decision that puts YOU in first place for a change. It gives YOU the opportunity to take care of yourself by putting on your own oxygen mask first. If you persist in taking care of others, and not yourself, you will pay the price with stress created disorders and illness. And you will finally start resenting those people who are TAKING what you don't really want to give. Good relationships are based upon give AND take pretty equally divided upon both people in that relationship.

When you give honestly, it feels good. When someone has pushed your buttons, it's feels more like a demand, not a request. You may have a feeling in the pit of your stomach telling yourself: I don't really want to do this, BUT.... Think about the difference between when someone asks you, " Would you please send me..." and "Send this to..." Much of the time when someone makes a demand we want to say "no, do it yourself". Instead, many people will say, "can't you do it yourself?" or just end up doing the request rather than getting into a verbal boxing match. In fact, the way someone verbalizes a request/demand shows us the inequality in a relationship.

Pay attention in the moment and listen to the words you use when speaking. Notice, anytime you have a "but" in the middle of a sentence it means you the beginning of the sentence is NOT TRUE! Let awareness of the use of "but" in the sentence focus your attention on what you really mean when speaking! Take responsibility for your thoughts, opinions and needs. You are allowed to have own needs addressed!

You have a RIGHT and a RESPONSIBILITY to put on your own oxygen mask. Others must do that for themselves, or they will never learn, they will never develop their own ability to take care of themselves. By not allowing others to take care of themselves, you are enabling them to be dependent on you and others. We all learn by our own experience better than observing others. And this is particularly true for children as well. Give them opportunities to learn with trying new tasks, and allow them to learn from their mistakes without judging them harshly. We all learn better from mistakes than from something we've always done easily.

The bigger the mistake, the less likely we are to repeat it!

Now, I am not saying that all people can always take care of themselves. Are you finding that you are the "go to" person too often? Are you paying attention and seeing how YOU feel when you are continuously expected to take care of the problems? Is a part of you feeling resentful from requests from others? If you think about it, do you have certain people whose relationship is based upon an uneven give and take, with you giving and them taking?

Your body will pay the price with headaches, stiff neck or other stress related disorders and even illnesses. Your body is sending you the message of discomfort, so that you pay attention and take care of yourself first. Assertive expression of your needs doesn't mean blaming or getting angry at the person making a request or even a demand from you.  It does mean calmly expressing your needs by taking personal responsibility and realizing that you need to take care of yourself first! Remember, you can't put on anyone else's oxygen mask if you are out of oxygen.

Turn Your Dream Job Into Reality

Are you great at dreaming, but get stuck in a rut of fear when it comes to the action part of either looking for a job that reflects your values, or starting your own business?

Work takes up the majority of our time only second to the amount of time we spend asleep. If you are spending your valuable time going to a job you hate, and waiting for your day to be over, you are wishing your life away. Your life doesn’t begin on your way back home from work. Do you want to look back and see that you had a career, or that you had a life where your “occupation” was living and working at something you valued, something of which you can feel proud.

There are two distinctly different roads that you can take when embarking on the decision about work. Either you can find some job where another person will hire you, OR you can find out what you love to do, your passion if you will, and find someone who will pay you to do it!

No two people have the identical viewpoint and beliefs. We each have our own unique contribution to make that can potentially improve the world in some way, be it large or small.  You may not have thought of this before, but that is your life’s mission, purpose or destination. When you understand your values and live them in your daily life, and your work, you are in alignment. In some ways, it might be helpful to think of living in integrity at work on in your own business as your responsibility to yourself and to the world!

“Whether you think you can, 
or your think you can’t your are right” 


Henry Ford

Many people have a great idea about what kind of business they want to have. The best business ideas are ones that come from your past experiences.  As you were growing up, and perhaps in the early part of your life, you had interests that pursued.  You learned about these because they excited you.  This can become your conscious business, where you are living your values.  This is the most important part of the formula:  A GOAL. 

However, if you are blocked by insecurities and fear of not truly believing in your own worth, talent, or ability, it’s unlikely you’ll ever make your potential dream come true. It’s like giving up the journey before you have really made much headway on your path. It’s time to stop listening to other people who don’t believe in their own gifts and desires, and don’t want YOU to succeed. It’s important to focus on the excitement you feel when talking about your inner passion. Remind yourself of other accomplishments, no matter how small, where you have achieved your goal.  Everyone has to start somewhere, so start slowly, recognize your growth along the way and realize it’s all about one step at a time to reach your goal.

You can’t get to home plate 
if you won’t take your foot off first base!

Self-fulfilling prophecies are a fact of life.  We are only limited by what we believe ourselves to be capable of achieving. Our thoughts and memories are filled by the messages we’ve received from our parents, friends and our life experiences.  However, even the most horrific upbringing has not limited the achievement of individuals who believes in themselves. There are so many unknown resilient people who just seem to be able to see any roadblock as a mere detour, an opportunity to take another trail or go “off road” that may end up being a short-cut or an even better route to their destination. 

What would you attempt 
if you knew you couldn’t possibly fail?

 Only when you are clear of what your goal is, will you have a much chance of attaining it! Making a detailed plan of action will help give you the confidence to follow your dream.  If you do what other successful people do in your field, you will succeed. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

It’s important to have a support system. Perhaps you have a friend or relative who believes in you. If you don’t have people presently in your life to fulfill this role, it’s time to search out new networks. There are many groups of entrepreneurs, classes, meet-up groups, and so many places where you can connect with like-minded people with whom you can form an alliance of support.  It’s also great to schedule meetings to make sure you are doing the action necessary so that you don’t just get together to have “wish” sessions!

Learn about the power of positive self-talk and affirmations. So much of what we say to ourselves is self-sabotaging. Who needs negative friends and relatives when you do that job for yourself! 

Remember affirmations must be said in the POSITIVE, present tense WITH EMOTIONAL feeling. You can’t say you’re “not going to”, because that leaves a vacuum. What are you going to do with that time instead of “not”.

Keep a journal that shows your progress. What you put your attention to grows in strength. As you get emotionally stronger, so do your thoughts to support your feelings. It is an actual feedback loop. If you are not feeling confident, ACT like you do, and you will become confident. This is what the research shows.

Keep motivational quotes and pictures around you, and move them frequently so they don’t become habitual and you don’t “see them” anymore. If you can write a quote and remember it specifically with an accomplishment, it has tremendous power to inspire you and keep you in action.

If you fall off your horse, get back on again!  We learn much better from our failures than our successes. Furthermore, when it was difficult to attain a goal, it gives you so much more self-confidence because it was something you truly earned!

Don’t expect that this is going to be accomplished overnight.  It took you a long time to develop get where you are now.  Why would you assume you can change these set behaviors over night?  Developing patience, and earning a new pattern that serves you better is the first understanding you must believe. 

How Do You Eat An Elephant?  
One Bite At A Time!

If you have worked hard to achieve a goal, that attainment means a lot more to you than some thing that comes easy.  You will then be able to focus on YOUR responsibility in achieving that goal, know that YOU have done this through hard work and commitment.  It increases your self-esteem, WHEN you pay attention to what you have accomplished, and take credit for the hard work.

Dreaming is only wishing until you put it into action. Creating the life of your dreams can only be done by one person: YOU.  Don’t waste your life living someone else’s dream!

For tips about how to have a conscious business read my tips along with 39 co-authors in our upcoming book: Align, Expand and Succeed.  It will be released in Fall of 2010.

Know Thyself, and to thine own self be true....

There's a joke about someone who is very self-centered person talking incessantly about their opinions. 

“Well, that’s enough about me … now what do YOU think about me?”

While conversation is not about one person constantly talking, and another person listening, it is important to have, and express an opinion.  The reason is simple: That opinion communicates your preference of what you want, and what makes you happy. If you don’t know what makes you happy, you are not going to be happy!

So, what makes us feel an emotion?  What makes us happy or sad?  Actually the answer is quite simple.

We are happy when we get what we want, 

and alternately, we are  unhappy when we don't get what we want.  

Now, this is actually VERY important information that mystifies many people.  Some people believe that they're just depressed and that it's not related to anything specifically.  There are many who really are not in touch with their "needs" and desires.  These are the kind of people who may always answer your question,
     "what do you want to do?" with,
     "I don't care, whatever you want is fine."  Indeed that person may be you!

For a while it might feel fine to always do what you choose, but when you have a relationship with a friend or partner, it can become a burden to always be the one to decide what activity, what food, what movie to see!

If you are the person who is mostly deferring to others, I hope you are paying attention!  You might want to learn more about personality types by reading about the Enneagram with particular attention to Type 9.  In fact, anyone who is interested in self-knowledge will benefit from learning about the powerful tool called the enneagram

It's true that sometimes the cause of our moods is truly elusive.  But we come equipped with a fail-safe, built in, canary in the coal mine: OUR BODIES!  Yes, when we are not paying attention to our feelings over time, our body provides a back-up system.  In the beginning for some of us, it's literally "a pain in the neck".  Listen to the words you use to describe something that annoys you, and then see if that's actually where you get your reminder about unhappiness!

Our bodies are going to react to our negative feelings with symptoms.  When those feelings become habitual, and go from the realm of mild annoyance to habitual negative feelings, this is the definition of stress.

Tight shoulder muscles is common area that is indicative of mild stress.  But when we ignore our feelings for long enough, our body is going to increase the hint: Pay Attention!  Depending upon the cause of your feelings, you may have different symptoms and illnesses according to one of my favorite authors, Louise Hay.

There are many illnesses and disorders that can be directly linked to untreated stress.  They may begin as annoying problems, perhaps with skin rashes, and manageable pain, but can become life-threatening and life altering illnesses.  Hypertension means what it says: You have anxiety and tension that is overwhelming, and effecting your body.

Did you know that most heart attacks take place on Monday morning at 9am, when people are returning to work after the weekend? Our heart is telling us something!  Why do you think it's called a Heart Attack?

According the American Institute of Stress, 75-90% of all visits to doctors result from stress related disorders.

The question is, with all of these warnings, symptoms and finally life threatening diseases, why is it that people still opt to take a pill to lessen the symptoms rather than deal with the source of the problem?  The source is that you are unhappy, and you CAN do something to change that!  Happiness is a choice.  I don't mean to belittle anyone's terrible loss or personal suffering, or to be a "polyanna" but many people who suffer horrific losses in their lives have found new meaning and a reason to live on and be happy.

There are so many ways to find happiness.  Living a life of purpose: serving others with your talents,  passion or unique qualities is the path towards living a life in Integrity.  When you live your life in this type of alignment, happiness and satisfaction is a natural byproduct.

Do you know your purpose?  It's time you rediscovered the things that make you joyful.  Fill your life with them and watch the tension go down, and the happiness rise to the top. Happiness is your birthright, it's your personal responsibility! The path to happiness and health is to know yourself and what you want in life.

You don't want to be on your deathbed thinking:  "I should have...."

from the heart,

Lianda

A SIGNPOST ON YOUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

So many people consider themselves “spiritual” rather than religious, nowadays. We think about, read, learn and practice pursuits for the health and nourishment of our soul. Because our soul is occupying our body, we must realize that one of the ways of connecting with our soul’s needs is by understanding what is going on in our body.

Mind/body medicine is attempting to bridge the gap between the way that allopathic doctors treat symptoms of illness by combining complimentary techniques such as meditation, prayer, hypnosis, and mental healing. I think that the spiritual seeker, and mind/body practitioners may still be missing an important point. 

STRESS IS A SIGNPOST ON A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

When we feel “stressed out” our body may react with tense muscles (one of the first signs).  Over time and by not dealing with the cause of the stress, this may become chronic pain (tension become more “pressing” or intense). Eventually degeneration of the health in practically any way can become the result of ignoring the soul’s message.

Stress is a SOUL message telling us: “There is an incongruity; a disconnect between the way we want to be, and the way we are living our lives.  That becomes emotional and physical stress.  (To clarify terms, this is referred to as a stressor; and the result is a stress reaction in our bodies.)

We cannot separate the mind and the body. Think about the words we use to describe our actual experience:  We “think” in our hearts (learning by heart), have “gut” reactions, and it’s been shown that all of our cells have this ability. (“Molecules of Emotion”, Candice Pert, Ph.D).  When you pay attention to the subtle physical signs as you do/say/feel something that you don’t want to be doing, some part of your body is going to be giving you a signal – tightness in the chest, nausea, a headache?  In scientific terminology, this is called a “feedback loop”: a cause-and effect that goes around in both directions.  Your mind informs your body, your body informs your mind.  Each one of us is different, and has our own physical path that gives us more evidence that we have to stop and pay attention to what we are doing!  The more we ignore the symptoms, the stronger and more insistent those symptoms will become!

There is no doubt: the mental stress will REVEAL itself in someway in our bodies.  The sad thing is that we mostly treat the stress symptom (the muscle aches, the headaches, poor sleep, belly fat), and ignore the core reason that we feel stress in the first place!  A spiritual person who ignores the signposts, the symptoms of illness in their body, is practicing only PART of learning their soul’s message. That message is written on our health.  We cannot clear a physical condition until we pay attention to discover what those symptoms are telling us about the decisions we’ve made and their impact our lives.

Whether stress is an event in our present life or from the distant past, it creates a reaction that leaves its mark on our health.  You can spend your money on dealing with the symptoms, or you can identify the root cause and heal your mind/body and soul.

There are effective techniques to help you understand the message of your body.  As a licensed coach, I use HeartMath’s^® techniques along with meridian tapping to get to the “heart of the matter”.  Contact me for more information about how I can help you hear your soul’s inner message, and restore your health and wellbeing.

From the heart,

Lianda

Are You Stressed Out?

Are you STRESSED OUT ?

I'm very excited to tell you about my new teleclass to help you recognize the signs of stress, and how to relieve it fast. I'll be telling you about the newest research that will both surprise and empower you to get control and improve your life.


♥ Is the pressure of the economy making your wonder how “safe” your future might be? Does watching or hearing the news make you feel scared or hopeless about the future?
♥ Are you continuously “needing to” do the “should’s, “have to’s, and other responsibilities
♥ Do you have a diagnosis of a health condition that is necessitating you make changes in your lifestyle.
♥ Are you dealing with relationship woes at home or work that is like being on a runaway rollercoaster ride.

You may already have an unrealized physical reaction induced by the stressors in your life!
According to the American Institute of Stress, 75-90% of all visits to doctors are the result from stress related disorders!

This weekly class will give you new insights into what stress is doing to your health (and maybe your waistline as well!). Each call will include a Q & A session.

As a BONUS, you get to email Lianda for any question you didn’t get answered on the call. And as a SECOND BONUS: you will receive one “laser coaching” one on one call during the program to address your most pressing issue.

Your investment toward stress-free living is only

$149 Beginning Wed. evening, May 19th - 6:30 pm

Early bird special (pay by May 14th for discounted rate $97)

“Lianda gives me hope and a sense of calm. I immediately felt more relaxed. In fact, this technique helped me speak with the executive director in a calm manner while discussing strong content. I feel uplifted and ready for the next challenge” Roseann S.L. Alaska
“I am amazed at how Lianda's coaching gets right to the core of my issue and calms me. When I’m stressed, I need help seeing what's really bothering me, and Lianda's insight makes things clearer. Now I feel more able to get to the “Heart of the matter”! Karen S. Tucson, AZ

Aren’t you worth it?

Don't worry if you're not available each week. A recording will be available for you, and remember, you can email me your question if you don't want to ask during the call.
Any questions, just write, and I'll be happy to answer.

Anger Is Not Your Boss

Why do we get angry? It's actually a pretty simple answer. There is basically one reason: there's something that we want and we're not getting it. Conversely, there's something we don't want and we're getting it! It doesn't matter where the thing we want is right, or wrong; good or bad.... It just "is".

Many times we'll blame others and think or say: "You got me angry!" But, that's not true. Remember, there was something that you wanted, and that person didn't give it to you.

When you speak to someone in anger 3 things are true:
1. There's something that you want that you're not getting.
2. You're telling yourself: S(h)e SHOULD be giving that to me!
3. You're about to speak or act in a way that will virtually assure you WON'T get what you want.
So the correct and honest statement to describe your anger is: Someone did something, and I got angry, because I expected ___________, or I wanted _____________ and didn't get it.

It takes a lot of maturity, confidence and personal responsibility to be able to make a statement like that to yourself and especially to another person! AND if you say it out loud to someone, it increases the possibility that you WILL get what you want. But, it's still not a guarantee.

Another positive effect is that when you take responsibility for your feelings and don't blame someone else for creating your negative thoughts, you improve the understanding in your intercommunication, and improve your relationship with others who will now understand you better! They too, may start communicating more effectively, in a way I describe as "from the heart".
IS ANGER A CHOICE?
What can we do when we realize that we're angry?

The first step to deal with ANY problem is awareness that there is a problem. Being angry at someone, and especially holding a grudge is damaging. It hurts YOU!

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned." Buddha

It would be a lot wiser to think about what you are "wanting" and why. Does the person know your desire? So often, we expect people to read our minds. We think "they should know what we want! If I have to tell them, then I don't want it!"

We make an assumption others see the world the same way we do, and want the same things that we do. Then the next jump in logic is to assume that they know what we want, but they are withholding it from us for some reason!

Do you see how confusing this gets? Do you always agree with others, and have a similar view of the world? Is it rational to expect that someone who doesn't reside inside your head should be able to know that you prefer red roses to yellow carnations? Or do you leap to a new blame: "Oh, they never paid attention to what you said about red roses being your favorite flower...."

We make unhappiness for Ourselves when we have expectations about other people's behavior. We make unhappiness for OURSELVES when we project our needs onto other people, especially when we are not always clear about what we want in our own minds and hearts!
What can you do to reduce the frequency and intensity of anger?

I like the metaphor of a traffic light.
Red, is on the top, the most prominent spot because it's the most important signal. It means STOP! If there were no red, we'd always be going.
Yellow, which most people use as an excuse to speed up, actually means SLOW DOWN, use caution!
THEN Green, means go.

So, if you are angry and seeing RED, think about that traffic light, and STOP! Then slow down and use caution. Think about what it is you are wanting, and whether you made your desire clear. Is there a possibility that you are not communicating effectively? Just because you want something, does it mean you're entitled to it? In other cases of anger, it's often good to recognize the feeling, and then STOP, and take a few slow deep breaths while trying to get to a more neutral feeling.

When I get angry at someone (yes, it happens to all of us less than perfect humans), I first try to think about what I want that is different from what they are doing. For example, I get annoyed when people don't use their turn signals. If I have to wait unnecessarily to make my turn, because if their signal isn't used, it appears that they are going straight ahead. So, I wait, and then they turn, and I never had to sit waiting wasting time and gas!

What I want is for someone to have consideration of my time and fuel. That ultimately is being fair and treating me like I would treat them. However, then I practice thinking to myself: Have I ever NOT used my signal? Perhaps they thought their signal was on; maybe their signal is broken, maybe they are on their way to a funeral and they're not thinking about driving. And then again, maybe they don't care about using signals, and have never bothered to do so, and don't care about waiting to turn. (here's a case where the "Golden Rule" doesn't work - more on that in another article!)

The thing is, is it worth it to get yourself annoyed, angered, bothered or having a bad time because you've given your personal power over to someone else to manipulate with their behavior?

Then there is the school of thought about beating an empty chair with a rolled up magazine to release your anger. That has got to be one of the worst things you can do to yourself! Most people don't realize that even "acting" angry actually has an effect on your body. It sets off the classic "fight or flight" response, which is the reason so many people are suffering from habitual stress in their lives daily! One angry incident can change your biochemistry for hours! So hitting a chair because of your unresolved anger is NOT releasing the problem, it's PRACTICING BEING angry and hurting you at the same time!

The Dalai Lama told a story about how he observed a "therapeutic" anger management group instructed to hit and yell at pillows that were supposed to be the embodiment of the person who had caused them hurt. Buddhist philosophy teaches compassion and tolerance, not beating up something to let out anger! After the anger exercise when the people announced that they felt relieved of their anger, it came as no surprise to the Dalai Lama when one of the participants in the group had an angry outburst in the parking lot. Someone had "cut him off" and he was back to expressing angry feelings even he before he had left the area! Resolved anger? Anger management: NOT!

I'm not saying that changing a lifetime's worth of practiced and habitual ways of responding to anything is easy! Believe me, I am far from perfect and consider my life a "practice" session for the many of the ways I am wanting to be a better human being. But be honest with yourself. If you say, " I lost control", then WHO is incharge??

Yes, it's easier in the short run to explode. But it makes you feel bad; it makes the other person feel bad... and angry words, once expressed can be forgiven, but never forgotten!
So do yourself, and those around you a favor. Stop, use caution and then proceed with words. Be a force for compassion and tolerance for those around you, and YOURSELF! Spread the peace, be happy. It feels much better, and it's better for your health!

from the heart,
Lianda
remember, you can always contact me for a private laser coaching session.

Stressed Out? Pay Attention!

STRESS:  anxiety, worry, tension, agitation, anger...

and other similar feelings can make you feel like you’re “driving with your foot on the gas pedal and the brake” at the same time.

Just think about this:  Stress is telling you something: your HEART and MIND are have a disagreement about some situation in your life. Your head may be saying: go fast, while your heart says go slow…. The result is unresolved STRESS!

STRESS CAN BE A GIFT

The reaction of stress maybe telling you to pay attention to your conflicted feelings, because if you ignore them, your body is going to make you a lot more unhappy with symptoms that are painful or can become illnesses.  Or you may find yourself having difficulty sleeping, concentrating or making poor decisions, feeling moody…. Yes, stress may not only effect your emotions, but it can make you “sick with worry”!

You may think “I’m sick, it’s not stress!”

After all, the doctor or health practitioner just gave you medication to deal with your breathing problem, your headache or some other symptom.

It’s not like you chose to make yourself sick deliberately.  Your illness may very likely be caused by a continual stress in your life that has become a literal pain in your ______ (you can fill in the blank with the place where your problem resides) …..

OR...

your doctor or health practitioner may even have given you a pill to help you relax along with the other medications for your symptoms.  Doctors oftentimes don’t tell you that your stress has gotten you sick, or is possibly making your illness worse.  They may tell you that if you relax, you’ll feel better. They don’t want to add to your anxiety, or make you think that they think you’re a hypochondriac.  You’re NOT. You feel bad!  Stress is your body’s gift:  It is telling you an important message:

Pay Attention!

Your anxiety, worry, tension, fear, agitation, depression, pain in the neck, headache, panic attacks, chest tightness and many other possible symptoms are telling you:

There’s a disconnect between the way you are living your life, 

and they way you WANT to be living your life!

Until you start paying attention to your body’s warnings, you may spend a lot more money going to other doctors to try to figure out why you’re getting more and more symptoms!

If you want to "get rid of your stress reaction" you must be able to find the cause of the stress.  When you are finally ready to find that "truth", face it and deal with it, so you can live in Integrity, the way you WANT to be in your heart, contact me.  I will help you listen for, and find your heart's message, and get you on the smooth road to living a stress relieved life.

The Cure For Stress

I recently had a wake-up call.  My body was SCREAMING at me:  "You are stressed!  Something is not right!  Pay Attention"!!

But how could that be?  I couldn't read the writing on the wall.  So, my emotions got progressively more strained, and my body started bringing on physical symptoms to show me that my conflicted feelings were not getting resolved.

You see, I had just been offered the chance of a lifetime.  It was the strong possibility of getting in a position where that I had eluded me at an earlier time in my life. I could be involved in a level of making policy and helping my community in the chance of a lifetime!  Of COURSE I should be thrilled, but I had this "gut feeling" every time I thought about the possibility actually coming true.  It wasn't a good feeling.

I tried to think it through, to consider if fear of failure was making me uncomfortable.  I worked hard with all my powerful stress reduction techniques that normally worked so well.  But then I finally realized something.  I was pushing myself to do something that I didn't want to do.  At this point in my life, I have different goals and aspirations.  To take this other position would prevent me from moving forward in the direction that I REALLY wanted to pursue.  As soon as I listened to my heart (which indeed, is my favorite stress relief technique) I heard the reason for my stress and realized the way the relieve my stress.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; 

what is essential is invisible to the eye. 

Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

Stress can perform a very important function. It is there to tell us something is wrong.  It was telling me that I wasn't following my heart.  Sure, I could take that offered position, but I would have been following the wrong path for what my needs are now.

Many people do take the wrong road, and end up relying on anxiety meds, drinking, drugs, or even do positive stress reduction techniques.  But the most important lesson I have learned is:  the best way to relieve stress is to make a decision that fits with your heart.  You know it in your heart when you're going in the right direction, and your body won't be giving you painful reminders until you listen!

from the heart,
Lianda

Is Your Body Telling You Something?

I just got off the phone with a friend who shared her journey of trying to deal with a bunch of non-life threatening, but miserable debilitating symptoms.  She has tried going to doctors, massage therapists, alternative care practitioners, nutritionists and psychotherapists.  She reported that she's feeling a little better, but admits that she's on the hunt for yet another type of doctor.

Do you know people like that?  Actually, I was one of them.  I would go from practitioner to another in search of a solution that I agreed with!  No, I didn't want to start medication, no I don't want surgery, no I don't want.....  During this time the aggravation and frustration added to the discomfort of my health problem.

Much of what my diagnosis was about what caused by stress,  AND, it was causing me more STRESS!

The bottom line is; according to the American Institute of Stress 75-90% of all visits to doctors result from stress related disorders!  No, you didn't choose for stress to get you sick, but your body is telling you loud and clear: DEAL WITH THE STRESS!

Now I'm beginning to understand that there are people who say that want the stress to be managed, but for some reasons they actually don't want to do the work to manage the stress.

Maybe they want a quick fix:  like taking a pill to make it go away.  The use of anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, are the fastest selling pharmaceutical medications.  

Maybe they want to ignore it and think it will go away: like vegging out in front of a TV set; or drinking or taking "recreational" drugs until they are in a stupor where they don't have to look at their lives; or eating until they have filled the emptiness in their soul.

Maybe they are actually enjoying the added attention that they are getting from people who are "cutting them a break", giving them sympathy for their terrible situation.  They are worried that if they are no longer a victim they will lose that love.

Maybe they are being "ENABLED" by family or friends, who are actually doing a disservice by not allowing the person to learn from the natural consequences dished out by the universe for people who are not living their lives purposefully.

Maybe they feel like they have to, or must, or should be taking care of the world outside themselves first, and this is what they will naturally suffer because they are such a good person to others. They see themselves as martyrs. This is victim mentality. 

This is tough love I'm telling you.  The worst lies are the ones you tell yourself.  Get over the guilt about what you've been doing up to now.  Have a HONEST heart to heart talk with yourself.  Speak as honestly as if you were talking to God (if you are a believer).  You can even look at yourself in the mirror while you're doing this. If you are not telling the COMPLETE TRUTH to yourself, you will feel it somewhere in your body; your gut, your heart, your shoulders; somewhere the tension will express itself.  You may even see it expressed in your face if you are looking in the mirror.

Throw away the blame at others, the world's situation.  This is about YOU and the choices that you've made based upon what life has dished out for you. There is NO "FAIR".  There is only your attitude.  Only once you are willing to accept this, will you be able to move forward.

The bottom line is: either you want to change, or you don't.  If you truly want to change more than you want what is, YOU WILL SUCCEED.

So, unless YOU are willing to take the first step of emotional management of your perception of and reaction to stress, your doctor is essentially fighting to free you from YOU. So get ready to spend a lot more money on new practitioners, and approaches to deal with your condition.

If you want help with dealing with that stress, and you are willing to do the work that will free you, I'm here to help you with tools that will help you listen to what is in your heart, and to move on with your life, right here, right now.

Wrinkles, Aging & Stress

It is probably next to impossible to determine how much money is being spent in western countries on anti-wrinkle potions, botox, plastic surgery and other methods to disguise our true face.  Other options to reduce the signs of life on our faces are yoga and other exercises for facial muscles.  There are facial exercise devices, electrical stimulation, acupuncture.  Smokers are told that their habit will cause lines around the mouth (is it from the smoke, or the repeated action of sucking on a cigarette?).  We're told to stay out of the sun, get more sleep, drink more water....

The one thing in common that is missing is the answer to wrinkles that we "know in our hearts".  Wrinkles are caused by holding our muscles in a particular expression over time.  Yes, that "old wives tale" is true!  Worry causes tightening of muscles groups in your face that will create lines over time.  Smiling will also create wrinkles - but which ones would you rather have?

So, instead of suggesting that buy a particularly good wrinkle  potion, I'm going to suggest an alternative form of wrinkle prevention.  STOP WORRYING!

"Worrying is like pre-paying a toll for a bridge you may never cross!"

When you pay attention in the moment to your emotions and how you are feeling, close your eyes and focus on where you hold tension in your body.  Most people feel tension in their shoulders.  But this may be the most interesting thing of all:  there is also an expression on your face that shows inner tension, or fear (or any emotion for that matter!).  To me, this is the most interesting thing of all. Research shows that there is a feedback loop: if you hold that expression on your face, the rest of your body responds to that expression and you start feeling the emotion. That means if you smile, you'll FEEL HAPPIER!!!

What does this mean and how can this help us? If you've been responding to events in your life with worry, or tension, look at your face.  Have you habitually been holding this expression on your face?  Do you already have wrinkles that are etched into your face?  Pay attention to the tight feelings in your face.  Then reduce them by focusing on joy, happiness and good memories.  You will feel an immediate change from the tight band across your forehead, the tightening of your eyes to a loosened relaxation in your face.

Yes, by focusing on joy, you change your facial expression, and that has an effect on not only your wrinkles, but on your autonomic nervous system, and your health!  

To learn more about bring emotional well-being, and getting a great side effect of stopping the creation of worry wrinkles, get in touch with me for Heartfelt Stress Relief!

from the heart,

Lianda

Why that Heart & Compass?

You know it in your heart.  When you're upset, worried, anxious, depressed, not sleeping, it's because you're heartsick!

From the beginning of recorded human history, people have referred to the "Heart" as more than just a pump for blood in our bodies.  Did you know that the 1st sign of life in a fetus is a beating heart: and that's BEFORE there's even a brainstem!  We speak of of heart metaphorically in language:  I love you with all my heart, I'm heartbroken, I'm speaking to you from my heart....
Why don't we say: I love you with all my liver, I'm brain-broken, I'm speaking to you from my kidneys?

The fact is, our heart IS our center, and it's been shown to physiologically be the control tower of our bodies.  No, it's not your brain - because you can be brain dead (I'm not being funny here) and your heart goes on beating!  Now that I'm thinking about it, I do know some brain dead people....  but they're politicians!  (ok - now I'm kidding)

So why am I telling you this? Because when you are feeling stress, your heartbeat is disorganized, the rest of the body follows along.  It's like you have your foot on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time.  It's a jerky, and unsafe ride.  That's what happens to our body when we're under stress!
There's a lot of scientific jargon behind how and why this is happening, but I'm assuming that you don't want to read about it now.  The bottom line is: what can you do about it?  How can you make a smooth ride, and have your body's systems following a calm pattern?

That's where I come in with Heartfelt Stress Relief.  I can help you to achieve that state of calm by changing your heart rate variability just by using your heart as a compass, and focusing on appreciation.  Yah, yah you might be saying: "how can you prove to me that  it works?"  You will feel it!  And if you're one of the kind of people like me who need to see proof, I have a biofeedback type of device  that shows you in "real time" - as you're doing this technique that your heart changes, and you WILL feel the difference!

And that translates into less stress, better & deeper sleep, better communication = better relationships, lowered blood pressure, control of uncontrolled eating, eased pain..... and so much more! This has been PROVEN to work - and fast!

If you'd like a demonstration, just write and I'll show you how this can change your life right now.  Why wait? Why become reliant on medication when you have the power to do this for yourself?  Why suffer when you can use your heart as the road map to better health and well-being?  Don't wait, let's have a "heart to heart" talk -

from the heart,
Lianda

Relationship between Stress and Health

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, I AM OFFERING A FREE SESSION 

FOR IMMEDIATE STRESS RELIEF....  

Read below (and then email me to arrange for your appointment)

There is so much that has been written about the relationship of stress and illness.  But truly, we probably all know about that intuitively.  We say things like, “this is making me sick”, describe a situation as a “pain in the neck”, a sad event as “heartbreaking”, and use many other expressions to link our emotional state with our health.  But have you actually looked at your own health to see if you have become sick in times when you have been under the most stress?  

Conversely, have you thought about the effect of being sick during a time “you could least afford it”, and how your fighting illness affected the intensity or duration of your illness? 

Stress creates physical responses in your body with the release of the stress hormone cortisol into your autonomic nervous system.  Cortisol is the culprit in heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, thinning of bones, loss of muscle mass, increase in belly fat, decrease in hair!  According to the American Institute of Stress, 75-90% of all visits to doctors result from stress related disorders!  Accumulated over time habitual stress can depress you, burn you out, make you sick or even kill you!

Have you been told to reduce stress,

tried and seem to be on a treadmill you can’t get off?

Right now, I’m doing an survey to assess the level of personal awareness of the effect of worry, anxiety and or stress on your perceived level of health.  During this short call, participants will be taught a new stress relief technique to experience.  This technique is one that has been rigorously studied in scientific experiments and shown to work quickly and effectively. I will teach you this technique at the end of the survey, and you will feel an immediate relief.  Then you'll be able to practice it on your own and see how it works for you.

Also, helping others is a great way to relieve stress, so know that you'll be helping me as well.  Please email me with your name (first is ok, phone number, time zone, and when it's a good time to call you).  I'll look forward to meeting you during our call!

Thanks from the heart,

Lianda

The Tapping World Summit: Not a Dance!

I have been spending some quality time listening to some of the world's top experts speak about their area of meridian tapping.  What's that?  Some people know the term EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, and there are other titles for the same process.

I'm only going to give a quick basic answer because you'll be able to listen to recordings of some of the top practitioners explain what it is and how it works.  Pay particular attention to the message from scientist Bruce Lipton, and Joe Vitale, of The Secret.

The most important thing to know is that Meridian Tapping works on the same principle of acupuncture, clearing the meridian paths to allow the flow of better patterns of energy.
Our thoughts produce energy; and self-limiting beliefs can lead to emotional patterns of anxiety, sadness, depression; that in turn can also produce illness in our bodies.

These presentations are invaluable and FREE.  Yes, I said FREE!  You can listen and benefit immediately!  You will be totally amazed by the "stuff" that rises to the surface when you start tapping and releasing old thoughts that you didn't realize existed, and are the foundation by which you live your life, make decisions, see the world.   It is like seeing the bottom of the iceberg.  But, you can banish it with tapping.  Yes, you can!

There's also tapping (Dr. Patricia Carrington) that follows the Law of Attraction.  It's focus is on tapping in the wonderful feeling and reinforcing them, so as to create more like moments.

Enough of my words:  Go listen!  Write and tell me how you've benefitted!

Art Preferences, Opinion and Personal Responsibility

"You're the artist, you decide", some of my clients tell me. I can certainly make decisions about a calligraphy layout that can fit many people's preferences, but I think that everyone must realize that they DO have a preference. Even little children know what colors and kinds of clothes they like to wear. Within any decision, there is room for your personal preference.

It's not about being right or wrong. It's about honoring your unique view of the world. Yes, art can be expressed in countless ways, and to give over that choice to someone else is negating the importance of your vision. Many people say to me "I'm not creative, I don't know what's the best decision; I don't know what I like." But just think about it, if you are buying something for yourself, unless you will not be using or seeing your purchase, it will be part of your life. You might as well put some of yourself into that decision and LEARN about your preferences.

An unexamined life is not worth living.

Socrates, in Plato

Personal choice is one of the most important characteristics of our lives as human beings. Unlike animals that live primarily by instincts, we get to choose our path through life. Whether the choice works out the way we had envisioned or not, and what we tell ourselves about our choices is a determining factor as to how we define our lives: happy, successful, or whatever terms we use. People who have strong self-esteem are willing to take personal responsibility and make choices; and accept and deal with the consequences.

Getting back to art and calligraphy, many times the choice that you are being asked to make is about a decision for a gift. Oftentimes I find people making a choice based upon their own preferences rather than the preference of the person receiving a gift! That's probably not the best way to make a choice for your recipient. Think about THEIR preferences instead! If you don't know, maybe that's an indication you need to learn more about that person! Think about the clothes they wear, the colors they prefer, even their food choices can tell you something about them! You can also ask them questions and find out things about them that make you feel closer to them! It's a great opportunity.  And if you get them a gift that really fits their preferences, they will appreciate it even more!  (that's why I have custom gift choices available on my website)

So here's my latest calligraphy border that I would describe as "Contemporary and Colorful". See if that's something that you like, or get to know your preferences - do you like something more traditional, historical, muted colors, or pastels? Honor your opinions, but don't get stuck and stubborn. Being open to considering other choices is a sign of healthy flexibility. And please, realize that there is no right or wrong - If someone doesn't like this border design, I know, it is THEIR opinion, not a statement about my self-worth! How much better we could all get along if we realized that statements from others are simply their opinion and no reason for disagreement or anger!

So, those are my Words To Live By for now!